ill start out with a little tid bit of whats going on currently... incase you dont know..
my boyfriend of 5 months was called away 4 months ago to another country to deal with his fathers will, no biggy, cept, its gone on this long because there is a widdow whom claims the money is all hers.
so anyways.. ive been living in texas for this time, because i couldnt stay aone, being a immigrant to this country i had no job yet, and he couldnt leave me money... because his accounts are all under survalience :/ she accused him of using his trust fund carelessly :|

but anyways, i have two letters. one to her, and one to him..

ill start off with hers... its kinda mean :|

Dear, stupid faceless *****

I don't know who you are, I dont care to know you either. all I do know is that youve caused enough stress to hurt my love, and cause him a massive amount of stress. your wasting oyur and his time and I want you to stop. I want you to go die in a pit filled with eveyrthing you fear because youve taken my dream and torn them all up. you dont relze what youve done to him, and the people close to him, the things youve caused. you are a human without compassion. all you care about is money.it makes me sick.

I was happy till you decided to take it too far. i hate you and hope you die a slow and very painful death.
His Kitten.

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You'll probably never get this, just as Ill probably never hand it to you, except maybe when I do finally drive myself insane surviving my life that you'll have the access to all these hidden letters I write to you but never share, for.. unknown reasons.. I guess fear maybe.. or embarassment. or maybe one day I will share them, things are tough and Im not sure what will happen in the future.

I know that I have the answers you were wanting, about why I hold you so high. Ive always looked to you as a person who could teach me many things, if it were about life, about myself, about the light and the dark on a human face, or maybe just what its like to be believed in.
I knew there was something different about you the moment i met you. I craved to have you around because your energy was something id had never found before, I never wanted it to die out. It only got worse as I explored the craters of your mind and found the things that fascinated me over and over, surprising me at every turn and I craved more, not knowing what would pop up next. My ideals were paralell to yours and while everyone thought they were only yours, I was determined to strive for them.

I'm not sure where I was going with that, when I started out I only wanted to write down my thoughts on how much I loved you and how much I would break if I ever lost you because of all this. I don't care that in the end you might not have money, or that in the end we would have to survive on our own, it's not the money or the objects that are important to me, as long as I got you by my side Im the happiest girl in the world and nothing stands in my way, without you, Im lost.
I never thought Id ever find anyone I could love this much, you haunt my dreams, chase the nightmares away, make me smile when I sit out staring at the palm trees that can captivate my mind for hours with a numbness Ive never experienced before. You treated me like a princess even though I have to work hard for your approval.
I worry more about you then I do myself, I want so badly to protect you from the evils of the world you already know about, and when I can't stop you from hurting or stressing out I feel helpless. Someone told me that that's what happens when you love someone, so I guess that's what love is, I only want you to be happy, to smile, because no matter how silly it may look, I fall for it everytime.

When I came to this country, I didn't know what to expect. You knew what I looked like, I knew the type of girls you went after, and yet you were still trying to help me grasp my dream. You say I make you have faith and yet, your faith in me is what keeps me going when I lose sight of myself. I look to you and remember that I've still got somebody believing in me, even though he isn't directly beside me pushing me to my limit.

I'm scared.Gods, I miss you so much, I feel so helpless. I know we'll get through this, and Im just waiting for it all to get better, but like usual, Im impatient, and I want it to be now.
Pacing the floor, trying to keep my head on straight as I figure out what I can do to ease the blow for when you can finally come back to me, and yet it still hurts. Everything is within grasp, within reach and still I find it so far away. Mom keeps telling me to hang in there, that this will be over soon and yet I find it so hard to believe. I remember when you left to visit your family last year for your cousins wedding, and you told me the story of how this random little white kitty crawled into your lap..and how you said it reminded you of me.. well, I just want to curl up in your lap like that kitten did and stay, because I feel safe there. I feel safe knowing your there to fight off the demon's that don't belong.
I'm trying so hard because everytime I think that this situation has gotten better, it's also gotten worse, because not only will we be even futher apart, I can't be on sl much to have you hold me when I really need it. I'm so scared of falling back into that hole I was in so long ago.

I love you, with all my heart. So long ago I gave my heart to you, it's your's to keep because ive found that diamond in the rough of my life. your still that spec of light i found on the other side of the room so long ago when my world was dark. The only differeance now is im hugging it and never letting it go.

You say you have no heart, but I know it's in there somewhere, even if it's cold and souless, it's still your's and im going to hold ont it and treat it like the priceless jewel it is.
i can't wait until we can be togther again.. forever,
Your Kitten always.