I just wanted to share with you guys that i feel i have made so much progress lately. Especially to Jen, Aisha and Troy who have been totally brilliant in helping me lately. Not to mention every single person who has answered my post and given me the strength to do this especially those who replied in the past two weeks THANKS. Its made a HUGE difference. Even a hug..... i know i am not alone.
Today in GROUP eek therapy i was so anxious about having my turn to speak i thought i wouldnt be able to say anything. But i was last when i thought id be first so i felt better. Anyway i am sick and tired of doing all i am told to in the dbt therapy and getting no respose. I had to sign a contract that my individual therapist has broke 3 times and its unfair. Well today in the group i stood up for myself. I even said i was so fed up i wanted to screw my diary up and throw it at them because i am wasting my time doing it if noone follows it up. I got so mad but i NEVER lost my temper. I clearly stated my points and got somewhere. The group leader said i had very valid points. She agreed my treatment program had failed and she said well done for coming back and said she wouldnt have bothered herself. When i started dbt i was terrified to say a word especially in a group. I ended up making my self physically ill and feel so ill now but it really doesnt matter....So way to go meeeeeeeeeee.
If your interested this was my point. Talks about self harm and sui*de no details tho. If you want to self harm you have a signed contract to say you will call your individual therapist 1st. But mine was not working on a sunday so i couldnt. I called Glenn in her place. Well i self harmed. I text my therapist at 6pm monday out contract states i can call from 9am till 7pm. She replied at 10pm! Saying she cant talk to me for 24 hours. The rules are if you dontcall your therapist and you self harm you chose that path so you cant talk to the therapist for 24 hours. Well my point is if she wasnt at work how could i call??? She then phoned on tues AFTER the 24 hours and said she cant help cause its within 24 hours. I left it. Then at 11.30AM i texted and said wait its way gone 24 hours. I said i was highly suicidal and felt like i would act on it. And said i need to self harm so can you help. NO REPLY!!!! ggggrrrrrrr. I saw her the next day and she said "sorry left my phone at home" omg omg omg she finishes work at 5 she had 2 more hours to respond and she texted me back at ten pm the other night grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. When i saw her i said this. If your not at work and i self harm on a sunday you cant see me for 24 hours UNFAIR but then if i felt like self harm on a monday im meant to phone you but i cant if i self harmed the day b4? Well tell me how that will help anyone. I could wait 7 days for help if i ended up self harming on a sunday. System sucks!!
So its all under review :-) Im soooo proud of ME.