TRIGGERING
Swearing yep
Sui**de yep
Si yep
If variety in life is good for you i win cause i have put a post in every forum this week! Life got worse. I dont wanna live anymore i guess its pointless saying so too. Anyway i am on 24/7 sui**e watch so seems nothing can happen to me. Thats what comesof telling the truth well everyone knows how i feel now. Poor kathys been on the phone with me twice today cause kim called her to say she didnt know what to do with me . Shes seeing me extra this week tomorrow so thats good. Though i dont feel i have a single thing to live for right now.
I did something wrong. I lied. I take all the blame i lied my fault. But have you ever been talked into something you wouldnt really do? This is about the only place i can say if it wasnt for kim , her mum and dad and her uncle talking me into this I WOULDNT HAVE DONE IT.Inside i blame them . But i did it. I got money from selling my house but not that much. Really i owed most of it. What i did have i was honeslty talked into hiding which i did. Now the benefits wont pay my rent unless i can prove where the money went. So i got all the proof i could get ... basically got my sister to lie for me too. GOD I HATE ME. So i realised i was not going to win and re claimed. Now they wont honour that claim even without the proof of the money. Well i dont have it . So my situation is. I am going to be homeless... tell the truth and get no money or lie and get no money. No money - no rent paid so i will have to move out and i have no place to live and my cats have no place to live. But then maybe just maybe they will let me off and re assess my claim being honest..... but then i risk going to jail for benefit fraud. Fuck it all i say its my fault but i woudlnt have done it if i wasnt talked into it. And what do i get Kim is going crazy cause shes never seen me "be a zombie" as she calls it and i cant stop crying. Kim asked me if i am mad at her. She feels guilty. No point in my sayign i am but I AM! So she calls kathy saying kathy has to help me cause im hysterial. Well kathy isnt god she cant stop me. So then kim yells at me and drags me out of my house so i am not allowed on my own. Good call if your her not for me id rather be dead. I called glenn told him i wanna die even he said im screwed this time. So kim calls my mom......... IM CROSS. She uses her guilt to make my mom try and fix it. My mom doesnt know anything about me and i want it that way. I said i was fine then end up blurting it all to my mom. Mom said i can move with her..... i dont wanna move countries and then id get no help. I want to as i have said all week DIE. Im not responsible for myself anymore. I gave up i give up . I have let everyone down i have let me down.