I picked a forum for this. I suppose it fits into several, but I just need somewhere to write where it won't get back to people.

I have met someone who apparently thinks I am insanly pretty, brilliant, and sexy. I have to say it shocked me. I don't remember the last time anyone thought that about me. Which led me to start wondering why that is. I'm married. Surely my husband should think those things. Does he?
Has he ever?
Nothing like taking a trip down memory lane right? So my brain goes back to when we were dating. I have to admit, not blinded by age and gullibilty....he still didn't.
Not to sounds concieted, but for some reason I was the girl everyone wanted. I was the type of girl you married. Or so everyone told me. Half the guys I knew were protective of me, usually in a big brother way. They all saw me as a fun, smart, funny girl. Any guy was lucky to have me I was told over and over again. I lived in my little world of being the girl everyone thought was just great and then I met my husband.
The whole relationship was chance. At 8 months of "dating" I got pregnant and decided to have an abortion which devisated me to no end. I promised it would all be ok because we'd get married and have a baby. I would make it up. Some how.
So stayed. I felt like I had put SO much into the relationship, I couldn't walk away right? That's what it felt like. And I wanted to get married and have kids. Why at 22 you think you have to be in a hurry for that I will never know. But there you have it.
Still, he never saw what everyone else did. Sure I was still the type of girl you married, but I'm not totally sure he wanted to get married. Now, six years later, we live two seperate lives. I have tried to drag him into mine but he's not interested. He think my degree is a joke, my religion is stupid, he doesn't know any of my friends names. He doesn't want to. He's told me so. He think I use my mental illness as a crutch (which is funny because I've been stable on meds for two years now and rarely even think about it anymore) he gets mad when I cry. I know he loves me the best way he knows how, but I'm starting to wonder....is it enough? CAN I be happy like this? I want to be, but this what I am writing is nothing I have told him before. Nothing I haven't cried or begged. He just doesn't see it.
Yet this other person does. *sigh* It feels so good to have someone think I am great and wonderful. That's I'm smart. He's of the same faith I am (Asatru) and he's funny. I am not going to run off with him or anything. He's a friend. Nothing more. But still....I get mad because my HUSBAND should be saying and thinking these things. Why can't he? I knew what he was when I married him. So can I really be upset? The thing was it didn't bother me as much when we got married. Now...I'm just not sure we're on the same page.
I don't know what to think anymore. I admit this other person isn't helping the ponderings. I just want to scream. Or run away into the sunset. I know who I am...but I don't think my husband does. And I don't think he cares. Which is even more heartbreaking and frusterating. I tell my self we're just in a down swing and three months from now, I'll get over it. But I'm tired of getting over it. I'm tired of feeling emotionally starved. I want someone who actually wants to know what's up in my life, not site in front on an MMORPG. I want to GO places and MEET people.
I don't know. I just needed to vent.
BA

(((((((((((((((((((BA))))))))))))))))

*gives BA the I'm feeling for you look*

It's always so flattering when someone appreciates you and makes you feel special. And, when you don't get that from your spouse, it's really easy to begin resenting your spouse. Then the questions come, just like you have right now. Then the guilt comes, for many reasons.

I wish there were an easy fix for how you feel, my friend. Unfortunately, though, there isn't one. Marriage is something that takes a lot of hard work. Even the marriages we see that seem so perfect are ones that have had a lot of effort put into them.

I've learned that marriage isn't always each of you giving 50% to equal 100% at all times. It's not even each of you giving 100% at all times. It's give and take, and the % isn't always going to be what we feel is fair.

Another thing I've learned is to express an interest (even if you don't understand) about what your spouse does, his friends, etc. Give compliments, even when you may not feel like it. Express an interest and it might be returned by your spouse.

I'm not saying you don't do or know these things already, by any means. I just want to help in some way. My heart goes out to you.

Love ya lots!!!!

TLK

Im certainly nodding alongside TLK in the 'feel for ya' look thingy (you know what i mean! lol)

Whilst your vent is just that, a place and opportunity to just let out your thoughts without necessarily wanting advice and suchlike, its hard not to try and help in some way so take what you feel able to from what i or anyone else might say and disregard the rest.

I would just urge caution hun when comparing your friend and your husband. Comparisons can be a dangerous thing in a marriage and when that is coupled with obvious interest by your friend then its not surprising it raises questions for you. Dont get me wrong, i think questioning our relationships is a great thing, but something we should do with our partner openly and frankly without the words of someone else ringing in our ears. Dont assume your husband doesnt see what others see....it may be that he doesnt know how to express it or maybe he still cant believe his luck at getting the girl everyone else wanted?!...he may a little help in telling YOU that