You and I got into a fight today. As always, everything is always about YOU. You don't give a shit about me, or my daughter. You said you love us both.... actions speak louder than words.

Ever since I was ten or so, I know that I have not mattered to you. You choose not to remember everything. Did you forget when your boyfriend started molesting me? I TOLD you. He said I was lying. You chose to believe him. As a result I was molested for years after that. Every time I tried to get help, you denied it and told people I was lying to get attention. Don't think I don't know why. He was your drug dealer. Your drugs were more important to you than I was.

Let's talk about the drugs. What about the fact that when I was 13 you had me running your drug deals for you? Don't you remember why I was always so skinny? There was never any food in the house. There were always plenty of drugs tho. I used to steal your drugs so I could sell them to get something to eat. You never noticed when I was gone. I'd just leave and take your car, and you never noticed. I'd be gone for days, sometimes weeks at a time, and you never cared.

This has gone on my whole life. Just the other day you told me that the dog was the only family you had. You even said this in front of my daughter. How do you think that is supposed to make us feel?

Don't you know your own granddaughter hates you? It is because of your behavior. She has no respect for you.

Nothing is ever your fault. It is always mine. If you miss a doctor's appointment, it isn't your responsibilty. It's my fault for not reminding you. You won't even bother to call people on the phone. Instead you bitch at me constantly if the cable goes out or something, like I should be able to fix it.

Earlier you told me it would be easier for me if you just died. You are right. I try to find it within myself to be sorry about that, but I am not. I'm sick of having to take care of you. I have done it my whole life. Because of you, my childhood was robbed from me when I was six. You have been my albatross, the millstone around my neck. And yes, it feels like once you are dead, i will finally be free.

You can't stand to see me well. You can't stand to see me in what might turn out to be a good relationship. You are trying to sabatoge my life once again, but I won't stand for it. I told you earlier that if you fuck things up for me one more time, to never bother talking to me or my child again. Of course you started with the "poor me" bullshit. I'm sick of the drama. Fuck you. Cry on someone else's shoulder for a change. I'm not listening anymore.

Now you are trying to whine and cry about the lump in your throat. You have even burned my sympathy out on that. It will get you only so far. Take responsiblity for your own health care. I'm tired of dealing with it. You can damn well pick up the phone and call them. I don't have to do everything for you. If it is to that point, you need to go into a nursing home.

All my life I have tried to love you. You yourself have made that impossible. So now, you just have to reap what you have sown.

(((((((((((TH)))))))))))))))))))))
First off I want to say, I am so very sorry that you went through that as a kid. The fact that you were molested and told your mom and she did not believe you makes my heart hurt for you. I read what you wrote and I can tell that you are holding on to a lot of anger. I can relate to you having anger believe me! I hope at some point you will be able to get past this.

You mentioned the fact that your mom did drugs and she chose them over you. *my mom was an addict as well* When I was younger I thought she chose them over over us kids to. However, I know better then that now.
Let me see if I can put this in a way that will be easy to understand.

When people first do drugs it is a choice however it can quickly become an addiction. The addiction takes over the users life.

It is much like cigarettes. When someone first starts smoking it is a choice, then it becomes an addiction. They need that cigarette. The urge to light one up is strong. * I smoked for 15yrs* I smoked around my sister and her son all the time. I didn't care because I felt I needed to light up. It was not until my nephew came to me one day and said Aunt T, I love you and don't want you to die please don't smoke anymore.
I tried then to quit and I failed many times before I actually was successful.

My point here is that addiction can take total control of someones life. I can so relate to your store because your story is so very much like my story.

We went many nights with nothing to eat because of mom's drug use and ended up in foster care because of it.
I can't hold that against her. My mom is gone now and I want to remember the good times we had.
Try to use what you been through to empower yourself. Find positive things that came from your child hood.

TH,
You are a awesome caring and loving person. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on just PM me.

((((TH)))))
Hang in there my friend

((((((((((((((((((((((((DW))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry it happened to you too, but am glad to not feel alone in it if that makes sense.

Yes, I still have a whole lot of issues with what happened. I think my mom denying what happened and taking the side of my molester was more emotional damaging than anything else. I still harbor a whole lot of resentment over that, and dunno if or when I might get over it.

As far as the drug use, it's stopped. She's been sober for a long time now. That's not an issue. She even quit smoking! I am proud of her for that.

The other behavior is what still gets to me. What I listed in the bottom of my rant is still continuing. Every day it is a new drama, and every day something is my fault, or she is too helpless to do some small thing for herself. I'm just tired of it. I've been trying to take care of her since my parent's divorce when I was six. She's never appreciated it, and basically spits any show of affection I have offered her back into my face.

The same with my daughter. She treats her dog better than she treats her own grandchild, and that is no exaggeration. The only interaction she has with my kiddo is to yell at her or tell her to get to work on something.

My mom is a chronic liar about everything. It doesn't matter what. Lately I have started confronting her on a lot of it. When she gets called out, all of a sudden it is "I never said that!" Again, it isn't her fault for saying it, it must be my fault for misunderstanding her, even with witnesses.

The whole thing is just driving me up a wall.

((((((((TH)))))))))

I totally understand your frustration. I hope that your mom will one day see what her choices have done. Until then she will deny everything and say that your memory is messed up and that never happened!
I do agree with you about her taking the molesters side. That should have never happened. I am so sorry that again she made a bad choice. TH, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. I also pray that your mother will face up to her mistakes.
Some times all it takes is for her to admit what happened and to validate you. However, from what I am reading in your post your mom is not even close to being able to give that to you.

I hope that she will be able to soon.

Hang in there TH,

(((((((((TH)))))))))

((((((((((((TH)))))))))))))

What a difficult post to read, but I must say I was glad you did and that I got to read it.

I really want to bash your mom over her head. What a selfish, self absorbed person.

Hugs TH - you deserve a ton of them.

Menolly