I was sitting here minding my own business and leaving other folks' business alone when the M*F* called me. I was in shock! I had called his mom's house to talk to her but no one answered. I didn't think anything about it. Evidently he saw the number on her caller id. He was angry, very angry, at his mom. All he could do was run her down. Now I get along with is mom and brother so obviously I don't agree with his opinion of them. He didn't talk long and wound up hanging up on me, which was fine with me since I didn't wanna talk to him anyway.
I did ok while on the phone with him. I could feel the anxiety rising so I talked to a friend. I got calmed back down. He called again. After he ranted on for a minute, he got around to the reason for his call. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I said yes. Then he asked if we could go out! When I said no, he started off on another rant about how I shouldn't expect for him to be "available" when I wanted to date. WTF?! Hell! I haven't wanted to see or hear from him at ALL for the past 15 years! He got mad and hung up, again.
By this time I was losing it. All the old memories were coming back. I remembered the rape, the slap across my face which left a hand print 3 hrs. later, and all the horrible things he did to me 15+ years ago. I was literally shaking and I never shake! A friend came to the house a few minutes after this second call. We talked outside. I couldn't stop pacing and shaking. My mind was racing even though we were talking about good stuff.
My friend left and I called one of my pseudo-brothers, whose wife is my best friend. While I was talking to him, guess who called for the third time! I didn't answer. I did; however, make a call of my own.
I am soooooo angry and in fight or flight mode. I'm leaning towards the fight option atm. What gives him the right to call?! Any relationship we had was over and done with years ago! Just because My dad and ex are gone doesn't mean that I am going to put up with this shit! I don't have to have a man to protect me. I'm stronger now and just scared enough of this idiot to do what needs to be done. If he thinks that I'm fair game and he can do what he wants, he has another "think" coming!
Damn his ass for bringing this all up for me again! Damn him for intruding into my life! Damn him for all the hurt and anxiety he's brought to my family! I'm too old to play these games and I'm too strong to give a damn about what he thinks or feels. It's about me now. It's about being able to live the rest of my life in safety with people who really care about me. It's MY life. I'm in control now and he'd better be watching his step! I'm no longer the meek mild frightened little mouse. A new Lace has developed, one that he doesn't want to tackle!
Thanks for reading. I don't know what I would do without you guys and I'm glad I don't have to find out!
L
Full Version: The *%&$ Abuser Called
(((((((((((((Lace))))))))))))))
I'm sorry to hear that He called you. Damn him all to hell. Do they realize the trouble they create? Do they do it on purpose? My guess is yes.
I'm proud of you and the outlook you hold. To have him call THREE freaking times. Its as if he doesn't know what to do with himself. You have your life, and you have worked so hard and have come so far. He surely has some major issues. He's trying to drag you down. Bullshit!
You are a better person than He could ever hope to be. You have helped so many people here and have done so much to help yourself too! I'm proud of the person you are. Don't let a piece of trash take away ANYTHING that you have accomplished.
Maybe the next time he calls just laugh, and laugh and laugh. No matter how scared....belittle him. As I've told Aisha countless times.....control. They seek control. Why? Because they feel crappy about themselves, and if they can dominate, instill fear, or whatever...they feel more powerful. Hes not worth the oxygen trees struggle to produce so his sorry ass can breathe. Happy Mothers Day to him....he soulds like a real Mother *&%^$#.
It was many years ago, He is behind you now. He can kiss your butt!
(((((((((((((Lace))))))))))))))))
I'm here for You!
SillyBoyTroy
I'm sorry to hear that He called you. Damn him all to hell. Do they realize the trouble they create? Do they do it on purpose? My guess is yes.
I'm proud of you and the outlook you hold. To have him call THREE freaking times. Its as if he doesn't know what to do with himself. You have your life, and you have worked so hard and have come so far. He surely has some major issues. He's trying to drag you down. Bullshit!
You are a better person than He could ever hope to be. You have helped so many people here and have done so much to help yourself too! I'm proud of the person you are. Don't let a piece of trash take away ANYTHING that you have accomplished.
Maybe the next time he calls just laugh, and laugh and laugh. No matter how scared....belittle him. As I've told Aisha countless times.....control. They seek control. Why? Because they feel crappy about themselves, and if they can dominate, instill fear, or whatever...they feel more powerful. Hes not worth the oxygen trees struggle to produce so his sorry ass can breathe. Happy Mothers Day to him....he soulds like a real Mother *&%^$#.
It was many years ago, He is behind you now. He can kiss your butt!
(((((((((((((Lace))))))))))))))))
I'm here for You!
SillyBoyTroy
((((((Lace))))))
Damn him! He has absolutely no right to do that. Basically though you have no reason at all to take a call from him EVER again.
How dare he presume that you want to talk to him?
It't time for you to hang up on him. Maybe tell him flat out that he hurt you....and raped you....years ago and you don't talk to rapists. have you considered suggesting to him that you can still press charges???? (even if you don't....it might put a scare into him) That is if he calls again.
The ego of someone like that is that he saw your phone number and assumed you were thinking about him. Damn him!
Anyway, you're right...the new Lace is strong and won't put up with this crap. Hang in there girl. You don't need a man to protect you....you can protect yourself...or call the authorities if needed! (or I'll come over and growl and bark at him...would that do it?)
it's over....you've but him behind you.....you're the strong one; he's pathetic.
lots more hugs for you!
Beagle
Damn him! He has absolutely no right to do that. Basically though you have no reason at all to take a call from him EVER again.
How dare he presume that you want to talk to him?
It't time for you to hang up on him. Maybe tell him flat out that he hurt you....and raped you....years ago and you don't talk to rapists. have you considered suggesting to him that you can still press charges???? (even if you don't....it might put a scare into him) That is if he calls again.
The ego of someone like that is that he saw your phone number and assumed you were thinking about him. Damn him!
Anyway, you're right...the new Lace is strong and won't put up with this crap. Hang in there girl. You don't need a man to protect you....you can protect yourself...or call the authorities if needed! (or I'll come over and growl and bark at him...would that do it?)
it's over....you've but him behind you.....you're the strong one; he's pathetic.
lots more hugs for you!
Beagle
awww (((((((((Lace)))))))) im so sorry hun. I am thinking of you
(((((((((((((((((Lace)))))))))))))))
You said it: you are in control of your life. That control also gives you the authority to hang up on him, or to tell him if he keeps calling you will go to the cops and file against him for harassment. Then again, you can choose to simply not answer the phone.
Hang tight girlie. You haven't come all this way to allow some ass to push you back down.
You said it: you are in control of your life. That control also gives you the authority to hang up on him, or to tell him if he keeps calling you will go to the cops and file against him for harassment. Then again, you can choose to simply not answer the phone.
Hang tight girlie. You haven't come all this way to allow some ass to push you back down.
(((((((((((((Lace)))))))))))))) Sorry you had to go through that. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
Nobody should have to go through what you have been through
Nobody should have to go through what you have been through
Honey, you know my opinion on this, but I think this is a good advantage to get other people's take on it to see if I'm overreacting.
So here's the question for everyone else: I think Lace needs to get a TRO/TPO in place against this idiot until she can get to court to get a permanent one for a year. I also think she should start documenting every time he calls (most phone systems will keep a trace log if you type *57 or their equivalent), plus keep a pad and pen next to the phone so she can write down the date & time of every call, and notes on what was said if possible, so she has more evidence for the court hearing. What do other people think? Am I overreacting because of my own experiences with stalkers or is this a good idea for her to do? I know her opinion, that's why I'm looking for outside opinions. And I know Lace is going to pitch a fit about this, but right now, I'm more worried about her safety than her anger at me.
So, speak up. Should she document all contact with him as evidence for the TRO/TPO hearing, without saying anything to encourage him, just telling him to stop calling? Or should she just tell him to go away and hope that he listens this time, without worrying about keeping track of when he calls or shows up?
And yes, I know this isn't my fight, I'm just trying to get outside input on this for her sake because I'm worried about her, and to help show that I'm not just a crackpot with a paranoid, damaged psyche.
Fred
So here's the question for everyone else: I think Lace needs to get a TRO/TPO in place against this idiot until she can get to court to get a permanent one for a year. I also think she should start documenting every time he calls (most phone systems will keep a trace log if you type *57 or their equivalent), plus keep a pad and pen next to the phone so she can write down the date & time of every call, and notes on what was said if possible, so she has more evidence for the court hearing. What do other people think? Am I overreacting because of my own experiences with stalkers or is this a good idea for her to do? I know her opinion, that's why I'm looking for outside opinions. And I know Lace is going to pitch a fit about this, but right now, I'm more worried about her safety than her anger at me.
So, speak up. Should she document all contact with him as evidence for the TRO/TPO hearing, without saying anything to encourage him, just telling him to stop calling? Or should she just tell him to go away and hope that he listens this time, without worrying about keeping track of when he calls or shows up?
And yes, I know this isn't my fight, I'm just trying to get outside input on this for her sake because I'm worried about her, and to help show that I'm not just a crackpot with a paranoid, damaged psyche.
Fred
ok(((((fred))))) you asked!
judging only by what Lace posted....you may be a trifle paranoid! If he only calls a couple of times a year I doubt if it would be harrassment. Stupidity maybe but not harrassment.
but i do think lace should tell him NOT to call. And it wouldn't hurt to write somewhere when she said that....or she could make a post
And if he doesn't stop, or the calls increase well maybe then its' time for legal action.
And ((((((Lace))))))))) if he makes ANY threats, if you feel in danger....definitely NOW call the police and report it.
But if he's just a jerk with selective memory......forgot what he did, still thinks he did nothing wrong. Tell him to **** off; hang up, and don't waste any more of your precious life on him!
Now, if I'm misunderstanding how often he calls.....then that changes things a lot.....you might even have to listen to Fred!!!!!
(((((Fred)))))) ((((((((Lace)))))))
judging only by what Lace posted....you may be a trifle paranoid! If he only calls a couple of times a year I doubt if it would be harrassment. Stupidity maybe but not harrassment.
but i do think lace should tell him NOT to call. And it wouldn't hurt to write somewhere when she said that....or she could make a post
And if he doesn't stop, or the calls increase well maybe then its' time for legal action. And ((((((Lace))))))))) if he makes ANY threats, if you feel in danger....definitely NOW call the police and report it.
But if he's just a jerk with selective memory......forgot what he did, still thinks he did nothing wrong. Tell him to **** off; hang up, and don't waste any more of your precious life on him!
Now, if I'm misunderstanding how often he calls.....then that changes things a lot.....you might even have to listen to Fred!!!!!
(((((Fred)))))) ((((((((Lace)))))))
Beagle, thanks for the rational take on things. Based on what Lace has posted, your advice is perfect. That's why I asked for outside opinions. I'll leave it up to Lace to explain or not why I'm taking such a drastic stand, but in the meantime, I hope she listens to what you had to say because it was/is excellent advice 
And, Lace, I know we're talking about you in the third person even though you started this thread, but it's just easier that way and (to me at least) less confusing to read and keep track of who is saying what lol.
Love you honey, and listen to Beaglemom, she's older and wiser than us
Fred
And, Lace, I know we're talking about you in the third person even though you started this thread, but it's just easier that way and (to me at least) less confusing to read and keep track of who is saying what lol.
Love you honey, and listen to Beaglemom, she's older and wiser than us
Fred
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Lacey))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so proud of how you are handling this and your attitude on it!
I'm sorry you need to deal with it though. What a !@#$%^
If you need anything, you know how to find me.
I'm so proud of how you are handling this and your attitude on it!
I'm sorry you need to deal with it though. What a !@#$%^
If you need anything, you know how to find me.
((((((((((((((Lace)))))))))))))))
I agree with Fred and Beagle. At the very least, if he keeps calling, start making a call log. If he won't quit after you tell him to f*** off a couple of times, then you might want to look at taking more drastic measures such as going to the polive and getting some advice from them.
I agree with Fred and Beagle. At the very least, if he keeps calling, start making a call log. If he won't quit after you tell him to f*** off a couple of times, then you might want to look at taking more drastic measures such as going to the polive and getting some advice from them.
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