I wish that you just knew how I felt. Knew that all I really wanted was for you to care...for you to want to know. For you to just..let me cry. For you to hug me...and CARE. That’s all. I just wanted to know. And I wanted you to know that I felt that way for you. I cared. I wanted to know. I wanted to be there. I wanted to be your support, your shoulder to cry on, and the person you turned to. I wanted to make a difference. And I wanted you to make a difference. I wanted us to lean on each other and be happy in silence. I wanted you to really love me...not just say you did. I didn’t want to be an obligation. I wanted you to just...be. And help ME be. I wanted us to be and I wanted us to be happy. I wanted you to be happy. And I wanted you to find it all in me...with me. I wanted you to turn to nobody else but me. And I didn’t care...I wanted to be selfish. And I knew that this strong hate for the way you were was just a masked love. That deep down I just wanted you all to myself. I love you...I really do. And I just wish you knew how big of a deal this really is to me. I want to you to listen to this and I want you to know. I just want you to know. I want you to know that tears are streaming down my face despite how hard I try to control them. And I want to know too. Please just let me know. Let me know you care. Let me know you don’t care. I’m sick of being sick you...because I know I’m not sick of you. I’m sick thinking I am and thinking that you are. You have no idea how much I wish I could just cry in front of you and tell you all this. You have no idea. You have no idea how much I really care about what you’re going through. How I wish I could take all the crap you went through and just make it mine. How I could’ve just given you everything I could offer. All my friendship could offer. I wish I could tell you. I want you to know. I need you to know. I just want this all to end. And you’re the only person I can ever think of. I can’t even see what I’m typing anymore and my face is probably a mess. But I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. I need you to know how extreme it is. That even though this may sound stupid or not true...it is. It may sound small...but it’s huge. I really wish..I just wish...I just do. I want to hug you and I want you to hug me and I just want this all to be over. I want this damn life to be over. And no matter how hard I try to tell myself to forget it..to just move on. I don’t want to. Because I’m lost and I don’t want to be in this world anymore...I want out. I want somewhere else. And I want you to stop me. I think you can stop me. I need to know that you would stop me. And now...just sitting here with tears flooding down my cheeks, I realize that you haven’t even noticed. Why haven’t you noticed? Why? It’s so clearly in front of you...but you don’t even TRY to notice. Why can’t we just talk and be there for each other. Why do we find it so difficult? I really just need to know that I have some worth in your life. I need to know that you need me in some way. That you would stop me from doing something drastic. That you would be my reason. But you don’t NOTICE. Because you’re not there. You’re somewhere else...with someone else. Someone who might need you but I can’t imagine anyone needing you as much as I need you now. I’m just becoming a faded memory. I’m becoming nothing to you. I don’t even think you’ve even thought about this. I don’t even think you care anymore. I’ve told myself that...to not care. And no matter how hard I try..I know there’s no point because deep down inside I know I do care. Please...just notice. I miss you. And I keep getting new floods of tears. I’d probably scare you right now with how much I’m crying. It’s insane. I sometimes think I’m insane. I don’t know...I probably am. I just need you to KNOW. But I can’t get myself to tell you. I don’t know why I just can’t tell you. It’s all pent up and I’m trying so hard to get it out on here. I’m trying. But it’s no use. Nobody’s listening...so I’m writing it for the nobody who will. I just want my best friend back.

(((((((((((((((((((Unicorn)))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time right now. You know you mention that you could never tell your friend what you have just written. Maybe you can print it out and mail it to her. It's something you wouldn't have to do face to face. That too is incredibly hard I know, but you just sound like you are aching to let your friend hear what you have just said. It's something to think about.

You are in my thoughts,



Aisha

I've tried but I can't. There's always this strong hold on me that pulls me back.
I feel like it's a lost cause.

(((((((((((Unicorn)))))))))) I feel for you. That was a hard post to write. I say mail it too!!!!!!!!