Ok.. I've been sitting and thinking.. I shouldnt even be posting right now. But I think I need to vent, or Imma do something extremely stupid.

We all have dealt with these worthless fucking people alot in our lives. People that say they are our friends, but dont give a good god damn about us.
Most of my fucking life. I have had one true friend that was always there for me when I needed him.

Unlike everywhere else. People are always saying their my friends, But they just dont want to fully hear me. They just want, WHAT I CAN FUCKING DO FOR THEM. Its fully fucking ridiculous. You give and give to these son of a bitches, and they treat you like shit. When you just need a little help. Or just need someone to really fucking listen.

Is that so fucking wrong of someone just to want that? Is it wrong for someone to sort these people out of their god forsaken lives?
I've bled for many. After what I thought was gonna be the best relationship of my life. I bled. I have atleast 5 gashes on my arms as a reminder. that most people are fake ass bitches.

Because they only want to make themselves feel good. and dont give a good god damn who they hurt in the process. They will tell you. "I've always been your friend, and always will" Yet, in their mind they are saying "Yay I'm making myself happy, but that person is a dumb son of a bitch"


I'm sick of never getting anything That I can use. I mean alot of people have my number. But no one ever fucking calls. Not even to say Hi.
Yeah thats really showing that people give a good god damn. I mean within a month. I've only gotten a call from 1 person. 1 mother fucking time..

What is it that makes people do this shit? Must I be the one to call everyone? Is it so much to ask? That someone to say they care? and truly mean it? To call once in a while to see whats up? What does it take to prove that friends are real?! That the tears and the blood I have shed. is worthwhile?

To have them Answer a few questions.
I've often thought about how these "Friends" would feel if I just ended my life. Would they cry a single tear? Would they visit me in my casket? Would they of wished they would of told me how they really felt?

I doubt all of those fucking things. So thats why I say fuck all of em..

Ok I'm done ranting, thanks for reading.

2 best friends....... 2 girl friends.... all cheated on me. I dont think i know what a friend is sometimes. Your right they are all out to make themselves feel good. But then there are the ones who stay and dont leave your side they are the ones that are worth it mate

(((((((((((((((((((((Zero))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((Sami))))))))))))))))

i feel the same was as you both sami and zero. Not sure i know what a proper friend is exactelly, all of my "friends" seem fake. Missing a lot of folk who have left from my life, through lies or something else as hurtful, but i guess there are true friends out there for everyone, we just got to sieve out the fake ones first.

Friends suck.

Hmm I have a nice deep answer...as usual LOL
There are all kinds of friends. Fair weather friends, friends you learn from and then they fade away, life long friends that have a kindred soul and will always be there for you. The really hard part is figuring out what kind of friend a person is and accepting that its all they can give. I have friends who are a little scared of my bipolar and that is fine. They just won't fall into that kindren soul group and I don't talk about it to them. No big. And you will get hurt a long the way, and it really really sucks. But you learn something from every scratch on your soul. Embrace the lesson for what it was and mourn the loss, then move on. You will have so many people enter your life, some good some bad, but iin the end they make you who you are ....and I like all of you very much so they must be doing something right.

I hear you Omega... the only person that calls me regularily is my grandmother... My "friends" never call me I always have to call them... it sucks... and makes ones self esteem very low!

I wonder sometimes how they would feel if I were gone. I couldn't do that to my son though so that isn't an option... and the thoughts are less thanks to meds!

Makes me wonder if it our illness that makes it hard for us to make friends or if it is just the wrong people chosen to be friends with?

I think it fucking sucks most of the time. Contemplating letting a 10 year friendship dwindle away as I am tired of being the initiator all the time. I had to let a 28 year friendship go as she was too self absorbed and selfish that it was hurting me.

I think maybe I do push people away sometimes... my husband says I do. I don't think that I understand friendship that much!

Lumi

Totally agreed (((Zero)))...some "friends" can really suck.

I had to drop a long term friend of well over 20 years when I (finally!) figured out that she was only in it to complain to me - something I really didn't need. I was her gripe pipe and who needs that.

We've all had those "friends" who are in it when things are going well. Some ppl just can't handle it. When I'm dep, I feel like nobody calls unless they want something. But I think sometimes that they don't call me because they don't know what to say or don't want to bother me. What they don't realize is that a simple "hello" or "how are you doing, what can I do for you?" would be so appreicated!

And, we all know those people who just need, need, need.....grrrrrrrr. Especially when we're feeling down, or even worse, s*dal, we just can't handle that!

We don't want to be fake around people, but we have to realize that some ppl just aren't safe - it just isn't fair, is it?? grrrr

But all those ppl, the ones who call themselves friends, but don't call, or don't come around...I think when push comes to shove and they knew you really needed them, like if you made a concrete request (something specific), they would come to your side to help you. Just a guess, but I suspect I'm right... Once with me, they knew I was reallllly down but never made a point to contact me, MrB was going out, but he didn't feel like I'd be safe leaving me. So, he called one of them, and she came over to sit with me. I wasn't up for being social so she brought over a movie and we just sat and watched. It's all I needed at that night, but she was there.

So, yes, some ppl suck, for sure. But there are some goodies out there (and in here, BF). Maybe if you just ask for something you can find out who really cares. Maybe they just don't know what to do to help....

Blessings,
Jen

Its good to know I am not the only one that feels like this. I've done alot of looking recently. and testing. So far on my website. I put up a lil quiz. 4 basic questions. and only two people have responded to it. The others have looked at it. But never responded. I've given my so called "Friends" a month to reply to it. Then I say fuck em.

And it was kinda funny too. Only one person there wished me a Happy bday too. That was really pathetic. even I know alot of my friends saw that she left the message wishing me a happy one. I mean is it so hard to answer a few questions? Or atleast say. "Hey, happy birthday" Hell that right there, would of showed they atleast gave a damn about me. It looks like I'm gonna end up breaking off a 9 year friendship, because some of these people are fake ass bitches.

And yes Jen, sometimes thats all we really need. even if we dont socialize, we just need someone there beside us, That really shows us, that our life is worthwhile. That we have someone at our side, that just really does care.
I think I actually found someone. That will be there for me, No matter what the situation. I guess that.. when other friends go. New ones come.

I'm just gonna hate to have to say good bye to a few people I've known. just because of this though. But It is for the best. If they cant call me, atleast say hi, or answer 4 questions. that are important to me. Why should I keep the fucks as friends?

I mean its pretty simple.
1. Why are you my friend?
2.Why do you want to stay my friend?
3. If I died tommarrow, would there be anything you would of regret doing?
4. Or anything you would of regret not saying/doing.

I think those were pretty fair and blunt questions. Hell I wouldnt mind if they just answered 1 and 2. Especially since some of em, are people I have really poured my soul to. in the past nine years. I have cried tears for them, Shed blood for them, was always willing to protect them, Reguardless of what they did. But if someone wanted to hurt them, I'd be there for them.

And yeah Sami.. I hear ya there, being backstabbed is defintly a BITCH. A real friend would stab you in the front, Not the back.

Lum, yeah it does bring self eesteem down.

And blue. sorry to say. But who I am, has depended on myself really. My friends Had no influence. I'm normally the one influencing them. I just have my own being, and wont let others influence me really. so any fuck up's I make. are made on my own.

They don't neccisarily influence you, but how they treat you, what you go through together, ect DOES make you who you are. Don't rule them out as a lost cause, your lives may just not be on the same page right now, but that could change.
Its hard to forgive people when they hurt you, but remember they have a side too. Dont' get me wrong, some people are just hatefuly and mean and don't deserve you as a friend. But some are overwhelmed, scared, going through thier own pain that don't want to share, stressed, lost.....they are human too. If they aren't meeting your needs in a friendship, let the friendship go, but don't cut the ties. There might come a time when that all changes.
I am giving you my own outlook from what I have been through with my friends. I was a lost cause myself for a long time and as I put all of it behind me, I realized those friends who weren't "There for me"...they just didn't know HOW to be there for me. It wasn't that they didn't care about me, it was that I kind of scared them. Sometimes our mental illnesses are a lot for a person to handle, a lot of respoinsibilty for them and they don't know what to do. I just think if you are asking them to understand you and be there, I just think you should do the same.
Good luck with it. Being a lone through pain is the worst. Just remember you have those here who care very much about you.
BA

You know, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. My friends, I hardly have any because they've all screwed me over. I have 1, who moved to Georgia for family reasons. I have another, who's all the way in Arizona. My other one here is leaving in 7 months because he has hardly any family left here and personally, I don't blame him, I hate friggin South Florida. The only girlfriend I have here is my brother's on-off-again girlfriend who doesn't even like to come around half the time because she doesn't want him to fly off the handle.

So, I can totally relate. My exhusband was most likely fooling around with my ex-best friend from what I've found out, so hey, sometimes it's best to be alone. It may get lonely at times, but you have us here, and although I don't know you, I'd like to... I've found there's a lot less heartache being alone; I've been single for almost 5 years now and, really, it's kinda nice.