I feel numb inside. So many things are bothering me. Everywhere I turn there is something or someone or a word or phrase or smell or look that reminds me of things that have happened in the past. I just want them to go away. I want to forget, I wish that was something that was possible, but it isn't. I know full well that the only way I will be able to move on is to face my past. But doing that hurts so much. I just feel lonely and lost

SnowAngel

(((((((((((((((((snow))))))))))))))) Lots of safe hugs for you hun.

love,

flossy

It will be very difficult, but please try to view this as an opportunity for spiritual practice. Each time that you feel the suffering entering into your consciousness make a conscious effort to accept and embrace it by connecting to a feeling of compassion for all the countless other people who are going through the very same suffering as you.

“We are healed of a suffering only by
experiencing it to the full.”

- Marcel Proust

((((((((((((((((Snow))))))))))))))))))))

First off, you are not alone and what you are going through is very common to many of us here. With PTSD, there are a multitude of different things that can set us off. Just like you said, a word, a smell, a look. It is all too common. That doesn't mean it is not important. It is very important. But the best part about it is that you are realizing that it does take work on your part to help yourself.



I know you feel alone. I get that way alot, especially at night. Nights are my enemy in some sorts. Not so much the night time itself, but what happened at night is where my phobias begin. Oh the stories I can tell....they are still so much a part of me. You will get through this. Maybe not today, and maybe not in a week or a month or who knows......but you will get through it. You won't forget, but you will move on. With me, I have forgiven, but never will I forget what I have gone through. Sometimes though, it's like I take that back -- the forgiveness -- because things come right back up at you and bite you in the ass. And it's those times that I hate everything about him, and at the same time I feel guilty about it. I feel like a can't win. But it's not a game. No more head games will be played. No one ever wins.

Anyhow, I'm getting off track here. ((((((snow)))))))) you will be okay. In time, (the yuck word) you will be able to move on. And sometimes, it does help to talk about it. Maybe you will find some support in chat, we would love to see you there, or just write. I'm always here to listen. And I will always send you a reply. If you ever need to talk, you can always PM me.

Please take care of yourself and know that you are a good person,



Aisha

Yep, yep, and YEP! I'm going through that a lot lately. It seems like it's been going on forever, when in fact, it's only been really bad for a bout 2 years. The painful memories/reminders seem to hit me when I least expect them. They steal any joy in the moment and send my mind back through a time warp to times and instances I'd really rather not think about.

For me, it's about association. For instance, I associate Christmas with my son. Then, that leads me to remember specific instances and scenes in my head. One thing that is helping me, a little bit at a time, is to make new Christmas traditions and experiences. These newer experiences related to Christmas, give me something to remember that isn't painful. The more I can do this sort of thing, the easier it gets for me.

Is it easy? Hell no! Is it the right thing for me to do? Yes. I have to move on. As much as I would sometimes like to crawl in a hole and pull it in after me, I can't. The only choice I realistically have is how to handle the pain, how to reteach my mind to automatically call up the good, more recent memories.

Ok, babbling and crying aren't a good mix so I'll just finish this up with (((((((((((SnowAngel))))))))))))))))) you aren't alone. Stick with us, sweetie. It does get better and easier with time.


Lace