My grandfather died in January of 2005. My mom and I inherited his house. She got half, and I got half. We have been living here over a year now, and I just cannot stand it anymore!

I have been having to take care of my mother my entire LIFE! Now I am trapped in this house, because I can't afford to move out. I can't find a job. I sure as hell can't afford to buy her out so she will move out. Even if I could, I couldn't afford the bills in this place.

She refuses to do anything. Oh wait, excuse me. She vaccums and mops the floors. Occasionally she will do laundry. She is the most self centered, selfish, egotistical BITCH I have ever known!

I HATE THIS! I HATE BEING STUCK IN THIS SITUATION!
She has ruined every relationship I have ever been in, ever since I started dating back as a teen. As long as she is alive, I won't be able to be in a decent relationship because of her. I fucking HATE her, and she is my own mother. She has never given a damn about me, except what I can do for her.

She won't do anything at all to help out. I ask her to go to the store. No, she can't she has a headache. I have been hearing that excuse since I was 6. Thats one hell of a fucking headache. I asked her to help me pick up the yard. Nope, she has a headache. Ask for her to do ANY single thing and she has a headache. Oh, unless she wants to try and snag some of my meds, then she is all sweet.

Her boyfriend comes over, and she treats me like shit in front of him to prove what a big shot she is. Last time he was here she called me a "crazy psycho bitch" because I am bipolar. She insults me constantly. Telling me I am a lazy slut, I am a rotten mom, my daughter is going to turn out to be a horrible person because of me.

I can't do this! I can't be the only grown up here. I need some support too, and I damn sure am not getting it here. I just had a huge confrontation with her. She was bitching about my daughter. I just exploded. I went totally ballistic. I told her that my daughter is 15, but she is a grown woman. I also told her I damn well expect her to start acting like it, and I am sick of being the referee between her and my daughter. I also told her my daughter was a better person at 15 than she ever was in her entire life, so she better shut the fuck up before she decides to insult my kid again. I haven't lost my temper like that in a long, long time, and it scared me. At the time, I could have physically assaulted my mother and not even thought about it. I had to go and lock myself in my office in order to calm down. Then I broke down into a total panic attack, whick I haven't had in a while.

I've had to be the grown up of the house since I was six. I escaped briefly, into an abusive marriage. Right now, the marriage seems like the lesser of two evils. When she got in her car wreck I moved back in to help take care of her. I've been living with her again non stop since 2002.

When do I get a chance to have MY life, that does not revolve around my mother? Do I have to wait for her to die? It's like I can feel every day, every minute slipping away, and I won't ever get them back. I can't go out and meet someone, because God forbid I bring a friend home. She'd have a cow.

On top of all this, I am worried about my daughter. She can't stand my mother either.

My mother is like some emotional black hole. She takes and takes and takes, and never gives back. I can count the times she has told me she loves me on one hand. No matter what I do, it is never good enough. She is a mass of negativity which I can't escape.

If I had a job, or the money, I would say fuck this house, fuck my mother, fuck everything and pack up and move. Far, far away. But I can't do that either. I couldn't afford to live in a nice neighborhood like where we are now. My kid is doing well in this school. She has a few friends here.

I feel so trapped, and so miserable. I feel like I am stuck in this situation until either my mother or I die.

She is always saying she should move so the kid and I can have the house. Yeah, right. She would have to get off her lazy ass and get a job to afford to move, first off. She won't even go to the corner market by herself. I want to see her get a job. Bullshit.

I need some sort of support system. I have my GP, and pdoc, but that isn't cutting it. I really just can't stand this any more, and I don't know what to do. I've looked for jobs, but always get turned down. Lately my anxiety has been so bad it is hard for me to leave the house.

Last Sunday, I refused to go to church. It was father's day.... the first father's day since my dad died. I was not coping with it well at all. My mom, being who she is, called me a whiney bitch, and told me I would probably go to hell for not going to church. I gave her the keys and told her to go ahead. She refused to go since I wouldn't. Then told me to just get over it.

This has just been building up and building up. I don't know what to do. I am still trying to find a job, any job at all. I don't see any escape any time soon. I swear, after my daughter graduates and goes off to college, I will live under a bridge if I have to in order to get the hell out of here.

(((((((((((((((((((((TH))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry to hear that Mom can be such a fricking anchor and do nothing but drag you down.

Is there an option of selling the house? Its the first thing that pops into my mind. I would imagine if the house is half in your name, you can legally force her to buy your half or she must sell to. No?

She would drive me nuts! There are a million fun ways to drive her nuts too! I know you are stuck with her right now. I'm a twisted thinker and i would seize the oppertunity to toy with her mind! Maybe I'm wrong, ok, I know i'm wrong! lol

I was reading on the web,...... "how to drive your mother crazy" (yes, everything is on the web) One thing that got me laughing was the idea to buy a bag of potatoes, paint goofy faces on each one along with a name. Keeping all the potatoes except "mom" potato close together. Make it known that she just doesn't belong with the group. After a month, bake the potato and eat it, giggling its time for her to move out. Argueing with a plant seemed interestring too...lol. If i saw someone argue with a plant, i'd stay away....lol

In all seriousness, I hope you do find something to help you find the freedom both you and your daughter deserve. ((((((((((((((((TH))))))))))))))))))))


Take care, SillyBoyTroy

Selling the house to her would be a good idea, but no way can she afford to buy it from me. Just like I can't afford to buy it from her. We are both strapped finanically.

I guess what frustrates me the most is that I allowed myself to be manipulated into this situation by my family. I didn't think it would be quite so bad, or permanent.

If she offered any support at all it might be better. She knows all about bipolar, she is a nurse. She just flat out does not care. She has been about as nuturing thru my entire life as a nest of pit vipers.

urgh TH, I don't have any suggestions, but that sounds AWFUL. You couldn't sell the house altogether and buy 2 smaller places, like you could use your half for one place, and she could use her half?

Sue
xxxxx

((((TH))))))

ya know, in a perfect world, or on TV, families all move in together and live happily every after. But in real life it isn't always that way. Especially in your situation where you didn't get along well BEFORE you moved in together.

I don't think your feelings are out of line. I think it's good you blew up at her, especially when she insults your daughter. She is pushing your buttons big time.

Course, that doesn't help the house situation. It might be worth talking to a realtor...just check out the situation. If the house was sell-able the proceeds might be able to be used on a smaller place for each of you, or set in trust to pay rent etc etc. Sometimes there are agencies that help low-income folks buy homes (check with your United Way Help Line) When there is a house already there it might financially be feasible. Would someone else rent the house from you so you could both more? (I have no idea if this stuff is feasible)

And maybe it's time to think of it as living under the same roof, not living together. The reality sometimes is that if something needs doing (like vacuuming) if you don't do it it won't get done....it's not worth fighting over. Now, of course that isn't fair, but it's reality. Pretty much live in your section of the house --- fix up a room you can have friends and ignore her. Same for your daughter (I know, easier said than done, really)

I see why you don't want to move while the kid is in school. But it's only a few more years......If she goes off to college you can rent a teeny place somewhere and be much happier.

And if she insults you in front of her friends....or your friends.......well that just makes HER look stupid!

(((((TH))))) sorry about your Dad. The first anniversary is hard. Brings back so many thoughts.

You take care, and keep venting to us.

Love,

Beagle

It's just so frustrating because she expects me to do everything. My daughter does the dishes and takes out the trash. Those are her chores, period. I accept responsibility for my animals, and make sure she always has food and such for her dog. I'm not letting the animals suffer because of her crap.

She just does not understand how much pressure this puts on me at times. I am "the man" of the house. If I walked out right now, I can promise, within a month, this house would be falling apart.

We can't sell the house, unless we sell it to each other. My grandparents lives here for about 20 years. My grandfather wanted the house to stay in the family, so he put it in a trust. So the options are we either sell to one another, someone died and the other person gets the other half, or we both die and my daughter gets it. Then, when she turns 40, the trust is over and she can sell if she wants. I don't want to get rid of the house, because it holds a lot of memories. I just want it to have some momre good ones, instead of bad overshadowing all the good.

It is a big house. On 'our' side of the house, we have my bedroom, the kid's bedroom, and the computer room/office. My mom has the playroom and her room on her side of the house. Unfortunately, the only room in the house with a lock on the door (besides bathrooms) is the office. So if I try to relax in my bedroom, my mom barges in constantly. She thinks nothing of waking me up in the middle of the night for some BS reason. I believe I am going to put a lock on my door, since my mother has no sense of personal space or respect for other people's privacy.

I just try to avoid her when her bf comes over. I use the excuse that they deserve time alone. The truth is that I am dodging the verbal abuse. Last time he came over, I drew her to one side and told her she better just shut up about me, period. She lies to her boyfriend a lot.... and if she doesn't knock off with the insults, then I am going to start the fur flying.

This is all just wearing me down. When we moved here, I thought our situation would be improving. We moved from a mobile home with high rent into a huge brick house with no rent. We have a great yard, the school here is ok, even if it isnt the best, but the kid is doing well.

I didn't stop to think that I might not be able to find a job. I didn't stop to think of the emotional costs. I didn't realize how draining the whole situation is. Before we moved at least I had a job, and friends, and could go and get out of the house each day. Here I don't have squat except this computer, and now my mom bitches that I spend too much time on the computer.

Then there is the fact that she likes me to be unstable. She is truely a toxic person. It makes her feel better for me to be sick, because then she can hold it over me, and it makes her feel better.

Right now I am stuck, and I know some things to do to help. It is just that my anxiety has become overwhelming enough lately that I can't do them. The idea of going on a job interview right now makes me cringe. Seeing a new therapist or going to a group? No way. I'm having a hard enough time making it to my regular pdoc.

All I can think of is what my grandmother used to say: You made your own bed, now you have to lay in it.

(((((((((((((((((TH))))))))))))))))))))))

wish i was full of useful suggestions but i dont have any. Though i would put locks on yours and your daughters rooms. you shouldnt have to put up with this, especially her insulting your kid, i would have lost my temper too.

i dont have many friends either ignore her moaning about you on the computer.

i really hope something works out for you. I know it might sound ridiculous but is there any way you could talk to her about how your feeling, maybe ask her what you could do to make things more plesant for her, then in return you could tell her what would make you happy, like privacy and the horrible comments?

take care
vicky

I have talked to her in the past about privacy and personal space. She really, honestly, has no concept of it. I am a private person by nature. I prefer to just kinda be left alone. She is the exact opposite, and does not understand my need for "me" time. She would not mind me barging in her room blurting things out every five minutes. I actually tried that once to show her how it feels to me. It doesn't bother her, so she cannot understand why it should bother me.

I had another mini-blow up at her again yesterday. I told her I was tired of feeling responsible for having to fix every little thing that goes wrong. She told me I was not responsible for her. I ended up yelling that I damn sure was not responsible anymore, she was almost 60, and better start acting like a grown up. I have a child I am responsible for, and that's it.

On top of all this, there has been a lot of external stress on me which isn't helping. This month won't be over too soon for me, because it's turned into the month from hell. On top of the home situation, this month I have had to deal with two wildfires, a water main pipe bursting right in front of our house, TWO flat tires... at the same time. The electricity got turned off by mistake, and we had to wait in 100 degree heat for over 24 hours for them to come back and turn it back on. Some idiot neighbor was digging in their yard, and hit a gas pipe. We had to evacuate. The local military base somehow MISPLACED a truck full of explosives. My favorite aunt is very ill and not expected to make it much longer. My grandfather's headstone for his grave is STILL not in place, and he died about a year and a half a go. After the power went out, we had to throw everything in the fridge out, and I am not too sure what we are going to be eating for the next couple of weeks. The list keeps going on. Every day brings a new crisis.

I'm trying to deal with my issues, and my daughters. I SO do not need my mother acting like a prima donna on top of all of this crap.

(((((((((((((((((TH))))))))))))))))))))))

I wish I had some suggestions for you. I know that it was opposite when my sister and mom were living together--she moved 900 miles away from her. She is doing better now and so is my sister. At times they still struggle with bills, etc. but for the most part they are both doing okay. I hope that you are doing okay. Putting a lock on the door may be a good start.

HOpe youa re doing okay.

Amanda

((((((TH))))))

It's the pits to have this much stress going on! I wish I had some helpful words for you. Unfortunately, I'm anti-meddling relatives right now. All I have are "evil" plots against them. LOL

I hope you get some relief soon!

Love ya lots!!!!

TLK

Hey (((((((((((((((((((TH)))))))))))))

I understand how difficult a position you are in and only want to offer you the support and caring you deserve. I can only imagine what it is like to live in that type of environment.

There are a few options open to you that you may want to consider. Recently I helped a family through a very similar situation and i just want to pass on what they did in hopes it might help you out.

I suggested that they speak to a free consultation lawyer and get an idea as to what rights they have with regards to the property. It was found that you can actually force your mom to sell the property if you want to sell it as well. Most of the time you can get a lawyer to help you out of a situation that is abusive, such as the one with your mom, for free. There are many lawyers out there that can help guide you at no cost. If you are able to sell the house, that will provide you with enough of a cushion to possibly either buy a condo or rent a nice place for you and your daughter and start a new life that will be healthier for you guys.

As for the way your mom talks to you, yes it is totally wrong and i know that if you try to answer back to her it only makes the situation worse. What my friend has done in this situation, when her mom insults her beyond what is acceptable, I have shown her how to walk away. This will infuriate your mom but also show her you have no respect for what she is saying.

I hope some of this is helpful..

Chilly

((((((((((((((((((((((Th))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I dont have any great suggestions . Chilly has some good advice. I hope u find a job soon and can move out hun

NExt time she talk about you being a crazy spycho bitch just smile very sweetly and sigh "I wonder WHER EI get that from?" and walk away. Oh and take a picture of her expression for me plz

lol
For the most part, I have been letting her stay on her side of the house, and I stay on mine. The kitchen and living room are neutral territory. All we need is a wall somewhere in the middle, or maybe run coils of barbed wire across the house, to signify hostile ground. *sigh*

I read this a long time ago. I'm not sorry for saying this, but maybe a little for the harsh word(s).

but your mother is a REAL FUCKING BITCH.I bet her and my worthless Aunt would get along just great. They both seem to be lazy, backstabbing sluts.

Iam so sorry that this is happening to you TH. You are so sweet and no one should be treated like this. THis makes me sad. Maybe you should move here. We have help wanted everywhere and we have passed the 1 million in population. Rent out you half to hell raisers for a while and live here from the rent. We would be able to get you a job no problem. Alberta is booming. And if you rent to the right hell raisers it woul only take a few months before she gets out cause she is scared to death LOL.

I too am sorry about your dad's anniversary

love tink