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As part of my abuse my perp photographed me. He also had an extensive collection of child porn (some pictures were of kids I know), which he used while "seducing" me prior to the assault. As a result, my feelings & trauma around my abuse are complicated by the thoughts that my perp probably traded my pictures to other perps and that there are probably child porn pictures of me out there.

Has anyone else been photographed or used in pornography? If so would you be open to talking about it? I really need to make some peace with this because the thought of these pictures existing really scares me.

I guess the worst part of being photographed is the violation. Not only did my perp beat me up and rape me, but he also "captured the moment" so his buddies and other perps can continue to exploit me. Also, I wonder from time to time if these pictures of me were used to lure and seduce other kids. I know that there is nothing I can do to prevent this from happening, and that there is no way I can be hurt today from pedos using these photos, but it still makes me feel awful that my picture might have been used to hurt more kids.

Any thoughts?

((((((((((Nobby)))))))))))))

I've talked to several guys who have been through a similar experience. I know my experience is different but I can relate to the feeling of violation. Porn was slightly related to some of the abuse I experienced but only because I was pretty much forced to watch it during the event.

Thank you so much for sharing such a personal and emotional part of your experience.

Huge Hugs,
Lace

(((((((((((((((((((((Nobby)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((Nobby))))))))))))))

Nobby


I can empathize with what you went thru. Your life sounds a lot like mine when I was about 12-15. I had a court-appointed guardian, he was supposed to take care of me, he was also a friend of my father.

At some point he started taking innocent pics of me, then letting me have a beer or a drink. Soon, as my inhibitions and my common sense diminished, he began taking more provocative pics of me. It wasn't too long after that, when he had a friend over and started with the pics, and then took pics of his friend raping me.
This got to be a consistent thing, only it wasn't always the same friend. And sometimes it was him raping me also.

I still wonder about those pictures, and hope the police found them all when they spent 18 hours searching his house. The only solace I have is that he spent the next 8 years in prison. A couple of his friends that I could identify with names, rolled over on him and got probation mostl\y


I hope you eventually come to terms with this Nobby - I'm still working on it with intensity with my therapist and pdoc.

Good luck hun, if you ever want to talk, I am here for you.

kika

(((((((((((((((((Nobby))))))))))))))))))

(((Nobby))) I never had pics taken by those that abused me, but I was forced into watching videos and looking at magazines. I cannot relate to the fear of the pictures being out there somewhere, but I can relate to the trauma of porn. I hope you someday are able to resolve this for yourself. Take care.

I can relate so sorry you had to go through that.
feeling a little unsafe posting about it here but want you to know you are not alone (((( nobby ))))))

(((nobby)))

(((Everyone else who has posted here)))))

Nobby, I can relate in some way. THe people who abused me forced me to watch porn with them. I hope that you can put your mind to ease someday about all of this. If you need an ear ...just send me a PM

Amanda

Nobby, I can relate to your fears all too well. I actually came across some pics taken of me on a website a few years back. It was a hell of a rude shock, and I did not react in the best manner. After several heated exchanges w/ the site owner, the pics were finally removed, but the memory lingers on, and to this day I don't know if there's more out there. But for my own sanity, I have to hope (food myself? lol) that that's the end of it, and even if it's not, there's not a lot I can do about it.

My advice is to hope for the best (that the pics taken of you were not posted or passed around), while preparing yourself for the fact that it's possible there are some out there. Given how hard the FBI and Interpol are trying to crack down on things like this, I would recommend not spending time worrying about it. Although, as I write this, I realize my advice probably isn't helping at all, so ignore everything I just said.

Here's hoping you're safe and secure and that you can move past the damage that's been done already without more happening.

Fred