*********Triggering for abuse scene description*********
I can still see the huge height difference between the two of you. There wasn't two feet separating you as you stood facing each other. Your back was almost against the wall and your head held high while the muscle in your jaw tensed and relaxed over and over. Your small hands were clinched so tightly by your sides that your knuckles were white and they shook slightly with your effort not to lash out.
He was leaning forward slightly, placing his face close to yours as he yelled. His cheeks were red and his brows were knit together with anger. He reached out to grab your shirt collar and I heard him tell you, "If you think you're man enough to hit me, we can go outside and settle it now."
My feet started moving when I saw his hands raise to your collar. I stepped into the room, called his name, and told him to stop. His attention was then turned on me. He yelled something about letting him handle it but I couldn't let that happen. He was too angry and I was afraid of what could happen. Let him yell at me about interfering. I had more of an advantage over him than you did. I hoped he knew better than to touch me. I was right.
I "interfered" a good bit. I tried to show him different ways to discipline you and talk to you but his anger always seemed to get in the way. I wanted so much to scoop you up and just leave! Because you weren't my biological child, legally I had no rights to you. The best way I could protect you was to stay with him and in the end, I could only stay as long as he allowed me to.
I'm so sorry I'm not there for you now. I love you and miss you so much!! I keep thinking there must have been something I could have done differently. If I had just done more to keep him content...if only...
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