Another part of me.......

Day After Day
Written By Aisha

From day to day I continue to be questioned,
Are you okay or may I give you a suggestion?
Have you filed for divorce or are you playing a game?
For taking my time I am put to shame.

From day to day, I continue to hear,
All the whispers in secret as if to deaf ears.
I am tired and lonely and scared to admit
That I miss who I left although I was hit.

I loved him and hated him, the two became one.
Do I leave him or need him, with the rise of each sun?
I have my two children, two sons I adore,
What do I tell them, I hate to implore.
Do I say he still loves them although he is gone?
"But Mommy, why then has it taken so long,
For Daddy to call and tell us himself,
that the love for us isn't up on a shelf."

What do I say when they look up at me,
With tears in their eyes as they begin to see,
That Mommy and Daddy are no longer one,
No game have we played, for none of us won.

Day after day, I accept the blame,
For my children have targeted me with great aim.
That Mommy left Daddy and made Daddy cry,
Not knowing that Mommy just wanted to die.
Every time I was hurt, every time that I cried,
I know in my heart that I always had tried.

But fear is a place I wish not to be,
I hate that I doubt a person called me.
I still have a dream I continue to hold,
To hear my kids tell me, that once I was told,
that there are two words called love and respect,
and I hope to God that they never forget
that no matter what choices I made throughout life
escaping the marriage of a battered wife
was the choice that I made no matter how grim,
as long as my children do not become him.

Day after day, I pray in my heart,
that my children forgive me for all or in part,
For all I wished was to take them away
from a life filled with fear and hurtful dismay,
I would give my life for my beautiful boys,
for the love of a mother is better than toys.
I hope that one day they can stand up and say,
"Mommy I love you, day after day."

(((Aisha))) you're writing is awesome. Keep at it. Just wanted to comment that I always admired the strength it took my mom to leave my father under the same circumstances. I never felt blame towards her.

All the best
Solow

((((((((((((((Aisha))))))))))))))))) Writing is a great way to express your feelings . good for you

((((((((((((((((((((Aisha)))))))))))))))))))
I'm having to try and figure out a way now to let my ex see my daughter with the least amount of stress put on us all lol. Not easy! Keep your head up because you did the right thing. When your children are older they will realize that.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Aishamom)))))))))))))))))))))))))) excellent job I'm proud of you for getting it out!

(((((((((((((((((((((((aisha)))))))))))))))))))) As always your writing is amazing. Beautiful words, real feelings. Your kids are lucky to have a mom like you, getting out of that relationship and loving and nurturing them like you do is the very best thing for all of you.... i admire you greatly

love,

flossy

Aisha, you have summed up exactly how I feel, but couldn't put into words. Thank you.

((((((((Aisha)))))))

You have a great way of expressing your feelings. It is very well put.

I appreciate your comments and replies -- you will find here and there in this forum poems I have written. They were written either during the end of my marriage, or during my separation or after my divorce. They were supposed to begin as "journal writing." A very good tool to use in the healing process. But it seemed that everytime I tried to write, they came out in poems. Very sad and depressing poems. I will post more soon. I print out each poem I write and have a book at home. There are maybe 15 or so.

I have this thought in me that my children will never understand the reasons I left. And someday when they are old enough, I will take out my binder and let them read the poems I wrote. That is when maybe -- finally -- they will understand the why's and the how come's, and maybe then they will forgive me.

I am the bad guy now. Sometimes not so much. But there is a lot of resentment from one of my sons. He turned 11 today. My 7 year old is more emotional, and such a sweetheart, but still every once in a while, he will make a comment -- never one that is mean, but one that is wanting to be a family with daddy again. He is my guardian angel. I don't know where I'd be without that little one. My older son is more of his father which scares me. People say my little one is more like me.

In a homework assignment (he goes to Catholic school) he was asked to give three things he was thankful that God gave him.

1. I thank God for my gift of drawing.
2. I thank God for my gift of being able to draw with both hands.
3. I thank God for giving me the gift to make others smile and be happy.

I wonder sometimes if he too will hate me as my older son does at times. I don't see it now, but he is still so little. I guess time will tell.

Thank you for taking the time to read my writings. It is appreciated.

Aisha

Aisha,

Your poem writting is awesome and what a way to express how you feel. you have a lot of talent. take care
DW