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Building Foundations > Our Tough Topics > Trauma, Abuse, and PTSD
Lace

Do you know a male who has seen or been subjected to any of the following? If they have, then they have been abused.

Physical abuse includes:
* pushing, shoving, shaking, kicking or throwing
* slapping, grabbing, hitting, punching, beating, tripping, battering, bruising, choking, shaking
* pinching, biting or hair-pulling
* holding, restraining, confinement
* breaking bones
* burning with cigarettes, scalding water, or other hot objects
* severe physical punishment that is inappropriate to child's age
* assault with a weapon such as a knife or gun
* murder

Verbal or nonverbal abuse may include:
* threatening or intimidating to gain compliance
* destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so
* violence to an object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) or pet, in the presence of the intended victim, as a way of instilling fear of further violence
* yelling or screaming
* name-calling
* constant harassment
* embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends
* criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments or goals
* not trusting the victim’s decision-making
* telling the victim that they are worthless on their own, without the abuser
* excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends and family
* excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they are at home or where they said they would be
* saying hurtful things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and using the substance as an excuse to say the hurtful things
* blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels
* making the victim remain on the premises after a fight, or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to “teach them a lesson”
* making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship

Sexual abuse includes:
* sexual assault: forcing someone to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity
* sexual harassment: ridiculing another person to try to limit their sexuality or reproductive choices
* sexual exploitation (such as forcing someone to look at pornography, or forcing someone to participate in pornographic film-making)

Stalkers employ a number of threatening tactics:
* repeated phone calls, sometimes with hang-ups
* following, tracking (possibly even with a global positioning device)
* finding the person through public records, online searching, or paid investigators
* watching with hidden cameras
* suddenly showing up where the victim is, at home, school, or work
* sending emails; communicating in chat rooms or with instant messaging (cyberstalking: see below)
* sending unwanted packages, cards, gifts, or letters
* monitoring the victim’s phone calls or computer-use
* contacting the victim’s friends, family, co-workers, or neighbors to find out about the victim
* going through the victim’s garbage
* threatening to hurt the victim or their family, friends, or pets
* damaging the victim’s home, car, or other property

Stalking is unpredictable and should always be considered dangerous.
* tracking you
* contacting you when you do not wish to have contact
* attempting to control you or
* frightening you

Economic or financial abuse includes:
* withholding economic resources such as money or credit cards
* stealing from or defrauding a partner of money or assets
* exploiting the someone's resources for personal gain
* withholding physical resources such as food, clothes, necessary medications, or shelter
* preventing a spouse or intimate partner from working or choosing an occupation

Spiritual abuse includes:
* using someone's religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate them
* preventing a partner from practicing their religious or spiritual beliefs
* ridiculing the other person’s religious or spiritual beliefs
* forcing the children to be reared in a faith that the partner has not agreed to

Lace


I was sort of surprised about this list. I had never thought of some of these things as abuse but now that I see them, things are becoming a little more clear.


L

Lace
I wish when you voted that it would boost this poll back up to the top again. sheeeesh.


L
amizon
where is the edit button when I need it? lol

anyways I meant to add interesting how you don't think about it until the poll then your like oh wait ... if that makes sense at all
jane_l
hahaha! I'm sorry - but under all of the verbal - non-physical abuse?

THAT SOUNDS LIKE PARENTING
Aisha
QUOTE
hahaha! I'm sorry - but under all of the verbal - non-physical abuse?

THAT SOUNDS LIKE PARENTING


I am going to be very blunt here and don't mean to offend, but if you are being serious and believe that verbal/non-physical abuse results to PARENTING.... You are so very ill-educated. Not only is it abuse, but it is related to both male and female. I can relate to each and every one of those bullets and none of them relate to the way my parents treated me. On the other hand, they do relate to male friends of mine and the abuse they were subjected to their entire lives. I may yell at my boys, but there is a very fine line between discipline and abuse. Being a victim of abuse for many years, I do differentiate both and I treat my sons with as much respect as a mother can offer. Discipline is based on knowledge and learning by being on top of things. By caring. By loving. By nurturing. Anyone who thinks abuse is defined in parenting obviously grew up with abuse in their lives. As a parent to my boys, I do not degrade them when I discipline them either verbally or non-verbally. They know when they have done something wrong. They accept the punishment which in my eyes is far from that.... they WILL sit and listen to WHY their actions were not acceptable and they WILL learn from their mistakes. As much as I demand respect from them, they get respect from me. It is a win/win situation, even when it seems like nothing has changed. After handling a situation, my boys and I always hug and tell each other we love one another.

Abuse and Parenting -- So completely different.

Aisha

jane_l
Aisha, I apologize to have offended you.

I'm obviously speaking from my own experience of parenting (and frankly, most of my friends). I'm afraid my knee jerk reaction to most things is a sort of darkly-humoured cynisism. I think there are ALOT of moments of abuse in family life. I'm not saying parents in these situations are BAD parents per se, just human and, as you said, that the line between discipline and abuse is very fine. Also, IMHO, what counts as abuse in one culture is just regular parenting in another. Just my thoughts. Luckily I don't have kids - so my theories in parenting remain just that!!
jane_l
Oops - I meant "of being parented" instead of parenting. My english skills seem to be going!
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