[sprout]

I post too much in this section. But I'm messed up in the head and don't have any other way to let this out. I think about suicide on a daily basis. I fantasize about it. I'm sick. It has owned my life. I walk around all day long ready to snap. On the inside I am crying and screaming.
I have only one reason to live. Mrs Sprout. She is handicapped and relies on me to take care of her. If she was healthy, I could kill myself and she could find a normal man and have a normal life. She is the only reason I manage to muddle through life. But life is a struggle for us.
I have a job I hate. The money is good, but I don't like the job or my coworkers, and it's 3rd shift which screws up my sleep and makes the depression worse. If I try to change jobs I'd have to take a paycut and with the depressed state I'm in, I probably would struggle in a different job too. So I'm sticking it out in the one I've got, trying to put some money in the bank in case at some point I just can't take it anymore.
And I wonder why i have to be like this. Why do I have to go through life struggling to hold my mind together. Why is everything a struggle for me. Why am I always teetering on the edge of sanity. Why am I nuts. Why can't I function. I was an intelligent young guy once, and now I'm a forty year old useless nut crying in front of his computer.

[TexanHoney]

((((((((((((Sprout))))))))))))))

[Sami]

((((((((((sprout)))))))))))))) I hear you. I really feel for you. I dont know how to say something to make it all better. I cant. However dont think you are alone in how you feel because your not. Mrs Sprout chose you because she loved and wanted you noone else. I hope things start to look up for you soon

[sprout]

(((((tex sami)))))