[Lorih444]

I always come back to this place when I don't know what to do with my thoughts.

I have thought about what I would do if I knew some one that I could get drugs from. My thoughts always told me that I would take them.
The other night I over heard some one asking some one else if they knew of any one that would like to buy morphine pills. I immediately turned and said if you have them on you I want one. he didn't have them on him, and then kinda ignored me about it. The other guy gave him a number of who would probably buy them. I have known these two guys for years and they know about my psych problems and that's why I think they ignored me about it. The problem is, all I can think about now is how I can get some. I am telling myself I just wanna try it in order to chase away the demons that are inside my head.Then I think, "what the hell are you doing? I am in school , majoring in Elementary Education, if I got caught I would lose all I have been working towards, what if I ended up in jail, what would it do to my kids and my parents." Right now I take Excedrin pm every night, plus my regular pills and I still cant sleep all night. Some times I will wake up and take more. I spend all my time in bed, there is just nothing else that I want to do more than sleep. Sleeping turns my brain off and I don't want to think or remember a lot of things.
I am just so tired of not feeling good. I need to accept these thoughts and move on without succumbing to them.

Lori

[sunshine4you22886]

(((Lori))))

I have to say that there are times where of things I have done in the past I have wanted to go back and get some more to even just take the edge off of things...ultimately I have to tell myself that it will only be there when I get back to being sober, etc.

If ya need an ear I'll be around to listen.

Amanda

[Sami]

The other day i got offered to do something i have thought about which was bad like you. I know how it obsesses and takes over everything. I too saw the bad ir your kids and family and it still didnt stop me wanting to do it. I talked to my therapist and my best friend stayed with me the entire day so i wouldnt do it. Maybe you need someone else to know to stop you doing it? I feel in two minds wether i should have done it or not but i got new meds and didnt do it. I hope you make the right choice (tho it doesnt feel you have a choice) for you

[TexanHoney]

((((((((((((Lori))))))))))))))
Self medication isn't a good answer for anything. All it will do is give you another demon to fight. And yes, drugs (or alcohol abuse) will ruin your life, and drag down the people around you. Don't start down that road, it only leads to heartache and pain.