[sunshine4you22886]

This may trigger some I dont know...not even sure if it will stay up long

*****MAY TRIGGER*****






So I met a guy earlier this year...things started going good and then in May we got married. Knew each other for a few months but had lived with each other 12 days before we flew out to Vegas to get married. The fighting and drug use started shortly after that. In July he brought over an ex gf and voiced his wanting to have a 3some etc with her. I got really upset and got in her face and told her to get the h*ll out of the apartment before I did something stupid. My gut told me to leave and never come back.

The pressure to partake in the drugs got too strong and I joined in (don't worry not on them anymore). He wanted to get in various lifestyles had talked about selling pot for money ...I discouraged that more than anything. I am not a law breaking type of person...

On Labor Day I ended up calling the cops on him for locking me out of the house...He hadnt told me about the warrant for his arrest so he was brought in..made bail...

Last Thursday he tried to run me over with his vehicle...called the cops again and since it was done on private property they couldnt do anything about it...

He has cheated on me numerous times and denies it...Wednesday he called my phone asking for a number and told him that it was on my voicemail and started to cuss at me...I hung up...I did not cuss at him or anything for him to cuss at me...He left a voicemail a little while after that telling me that I ruined his Christmas, etc.

Last night, he told me he would just be happier if I would just bl*w my head off and be done. It truly hurts for him to say that to me because now i know that he doesn't care or love me like he said he did.

I want to give up and SI or drink the pain away but I know that all of that is wrong and wont solve anything ....

just in a million pieces

This post has been edited by Elsbeth: 25 December 2009 - 10:08 PM
Reason for edit:: Trigger Warning Added

[Beagle]

((((((Sunshine)))))

I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling

But now you need to take action to stand up for yourself and get yourself free of him. You are afraid of him, he's tried to hurt you and he's involved in illegal activity! You know that's not what you want from a husband!

Is there someplace you can go? A friend, family? Go. Or call 211 (in most states that's the United Way's resource line...has to be called from a landline phone) Ask for shelters for women in an abusive relationship.

Because...if he tries to run you over, wants you to use and sell drugs, that's abusive.

Self harm hurts you....dont let him push you to that. You are stronger!

Take care of yourself!

[Yeti]

Sunshine, your apart of this commuinty. You have lots of support from here. Beagle is right, the guy is NO GOOD for you, get some help to get out of that relationship. Unitedway may have some help for you to use. Call them and find out what they can do.

Yeti

[SadJenJen]

sounds like a nightmare!! u need to get strong and get away from this monster... unless u arent ready to leave!! sounds like my sisters ex!!!

[JenB]

(((((Sunshine)))))

I ditto what everyone else has said. Take care of YOU and get as far away from that situation as you can! Take care of YOU!

I just wanted to stop by for BIG hugs and to remind you that we really care and are here to support you!



Blessings,
Jen

[Elsbeth]

(((((((((((((((((((Sunshine))))))))))))))))))

I got out of an abusive marriage a few years ago myself. Oh boy do I know that pain. The idea of being hurt physically is nothing compared to the feeling that you are unlovable and unwanted. I spent too many nights wanting to curl up and die or at least SI but I kept telling myself that would makehim the winner. And nobody gets to take away my life for me. I know I've lived through too much to let one man ruin my future.

That being said, actually leaving was one of the hardest things I ever did. One thing Id suggest you do, even if you are not ready to leave yet, make a getaway bag. For me, it looked like a random gym bag. But in it was a change of clothes, handful of underwear, some cash for a cab and any vital papers that could be destroyed if he found them. I packed my passport and made sure all my IDs were in my purse. I also made sure I had numbers of the nearest women's shelter in there and in my wallet both. I got them from my doctor's office, there was a social worker there who helped me out. But this way, if things ever hit such a point, day or night, where you need to run for it, all you need to do is grab your bag and go.

We're here for you and we will continue to be. Don't fear that posts will be taken down because of being triggering. They might get moved to another forum or they might get a trigger warning added but you need as place to type your mind and also get support. Many of us have been there. Maybe not the exact situation but in an abusive situation we needed to somehow work with.

I know personally, it's easy for me to say, I hope you just leave him but even having been in that situation, I know it's not as easy as that. Good luck and keep us updated.

[sunshine4you22886]

*MAY TRIGGER*

Thanks guys...

I have been toying whether or not if continuing this thread was the best or if not. I really haven't put myself out there in a very long, long time.

Since the post, I have left him...I am actually in NY with my mom and brother. I have talked with him a few times but it seems to lead to the same place...him getting angry at me.

I have been trying to get ahold of a lawyer who does divorces but also works with domestic violence which is hard to do. I don't really have the money to afford one and since I am not in Missouri anymore it is kinda hard to get any state help.

Last night when we talked online he said he needed to know where I was at so he could have me served with the divorce papers. I didn't tell him where I was at because I didn't know if it was just a trick or not. I started to have a panicky feeling because without having a lawyer or sometime of legal help he might be able to get everything.

He is crossing the line a lot with things...I trusted him not to write bad checks and when he was taken off our joint account (by him) in September he said that everything was closed out in his name...needless to say it wasn't and I had to deal with them...in talking with the bank they are doing an investigation on any of the charges that I myself didn't do.

The psych doc and worker I was seeing in Missouri, Courtnie has called twice in the last two days she knows what has been going on. For some reason I don't know if they can help out anymore. I don't know if she can help or if I get lead to the dead ends. She has already said that she doesn't know anything legal which is really what I need right now.

When I left I didn't take much...he said that he is asking for everything in the divorce...the house, the boat...everything. Part of me just wants to allow him to have it all but a bigger part wants to fight it but I am not sure how to fight it when his lawyer is willing to do pretty much anything.

I know that my husband will use the bipolar against me. I don't really have a good track record with the whole taking the medication thing. I know that he will deny the abuse....I don't know if he will admit to the drug use or not...I am tempted to pull all of our bank records to show and prove that the money was used to buy drugs. I don't know if I will have to prove that he has or is cheating on me.

I don't understand how someone can move on so quickly like he is doing. Part of me is sad that I might have to accept that when he said he loved me might not have been true.

[Beagle]

Congrats for getting out of that mess! You are better off in the long run.

Dont let him convince you that he can get everything! And the bipolar has nothing to do with divorce. hmmmm......unless you can get MORE from him because you have a disability....hmmmm

He's just blowing smoke......if the law says you get half you get half.....its not up to him.

Be careful not to threaten anything....but if you were to report his illegal activity he would be in trouble. It's in his best interest to settle amicable.

You do need a lawyer......maybe you can get the legal fees settles as part of the property settlement. You need to be free and to have your fair share of the assets so you can start over....that's worth the cost of the lawyer.

Check with the State Bar Association in Missouri....they will be able to recommend a lawyer. And I dont know about all state laws, but in Wisconsin if a person has lived here for 6 months (I think that's the time frame) they can file for divorce in Wisconsin....even if the marriage was in another state...or even in Canada.....and no matter where the other party lives.

and DO NOT tell him where you are. That's another bit of garbage he is trying to feed you. What's the hurry? You are with your parents, you are safe. Do it right and legal

Take care, congrats on leaving! And i know you are hurting

Love,

[JenB]

(((((Sunshine)))))

When you contact a lawyer (even if it turns out to be legal assistance), or even to do the research on your own, I'd find out if your state (or the state inh which you're filing is a "no-fault" state. My state is, meaning that the reason for the divorce plays no role in the settlement. My father was at-fault, but still the break down of property was equal between my parents - my Mom didn't get more because *he* created the final act which broke them up.

All that to say, his drug use (although, if you have kids and it creates an endangerment to them) or your bipolar (unless he can PROVE there is an endangerment issue) will not change the situation. The abuse... I'm not sure about that one.

I'd suggest checking it out.

Wishing you all the best and please keep us in the loop, ok? We're here for you!

Blessings,
Jen

[sparklee]

Reclaim your name with one change...make it "sunshine for me" (meaning you). Why do we do the things we do---doesn't really matter, does it? All that matters now, is YOU and getting back into a safe place to nurture your OWN self and, once again, show love to yourself.

Stay strong and we will all be thinking good thoughts for you and sending good energy your way.

God loves you and only wants good things for you. Things to build you up and not tear you down.

God Bless You
Sparklee

[sunshine4you22886]

WILL TRIGGER


I just want to freaken call him up and scream and yell at him. I am so tired of all this bullshit that he is doing. I am tired of this game he is playing. I just want it to be over and fucking done with. At this point i am just ready to tell him to take everything and just get out of my fucking life. Why should i care when he fucking doesnt.

He called the insurance company that we have everything through and tried to get my name taken off of all the insurance policies. We have the house, boat, and auto through the same company. I called her after I left and told her he might pull this shit. What does he do today???? He pulls this fucking shit. I tell her that he is going to do this and she says that he was all fucking polite about it. Needless to say she was able to separate his car from mine but since it is under the same policy she can't do anything more till March.

I am at the point I am just ready to turn everyone who is doing shit with him in and just never look back. I am sick of fake poeple who claim to be my friends but truly arent. Is the most lonely feeling in the world.

I was able to get ahold of a lawyer...was told it could be done in 30 days only problem is the retainer is way more than i can afford. At this point selling my car is a possibility but whether or not that will be enough I don't know.

I am just so fucking tired of it all. I just want to disappear and crawl into a hole...i should probably end this post before i say anything else

[JenB]

(((((((Sunshine)))))))

I am SO sorry to hear what he's putting you through. You're trying your best to give a head's up to anyone he might pull tricks with. It stinks how he's still getting away with as much as he is!!!!!!!

Are you able to contact another lawyer with a lower retainer fee or perhaps legal aide (I don't know the laws as far as income restrictions). It sounds like you're making a wise decision to get away from his manipulation. He is WAY over the line!

You don't want to do anything to hurt yourself - that is letting him win. I know it sounds like a platitude, but I don't mean it to be. In my opinion it's true. I think he's trying to push you and see how far he can go. You have it in you to fight back. I can hear it in your post. You ARE a fighter!!!

You have people here pulling for you here and know that we are supporting you!!

Blessings,
Jen